Dear Bolo Tie Guy No. 1
A lost connection
Dear Bolo Tie Guy,
I've been married for over 25 years to a man who I feel emotionally distant from. We no longer share anything in common. We've lost our connection, both physically and emotionally. Our communication is strained, and I feel like our relationship is more of a burden than a source of happiness. I've tried to reconnect, but my efforts have been met with resistance. He's frequently angry and critical, making me feel inadequate and judged. Despite this, I've stayed. I'm unsure why I continue to tolerate this situation. I feel stuck and damaged, and I'm not sure how to move forward.
Unsure
Dear Unsure,
The 5 of Swords in the center of our spread seems to perfectly sum up your marriage as it now stands. The two of you are distant from each other, headed in different directions, and importantly I think, each of you are trying to get your own way, caring not for the feelings of the other. As your letter aludes, this must be quite painful for you, but remember that it is probably painful for your husband as well.
Emotional charity and empathy are always important traits to hold, and we are reminded of that fact in this spread.
Ultimately though, the marriage is not bringing you happiness, and you have to decide what to do.
Strength, at the top of our spread, points the way.
You’ll need to summon your courage to deal with your husband and your marriage. Staying in a bad situation can feel comfortable, and when contemplating major changes we can feel afraid.
But, you have the strength within yourself to find a better life. You just have to summon that strength, and use it to move forward decisively.
It will help if you remember that you can and will find happiness if you use your personal strength to make the decisions now that are needed for that long term happiness. This is well illustrated by the 9 of Pentacles.
But, the 9 of Cups opposite it shows that you will have to give up some comfort and move out of your perceived safe zone in order to achieve the better life you seek. Remember that sometimes we can get so used to the chains holding us down that we feel safe within them, and are loathe to break free.
I am certain that in the past there have been many good times within your marriage, and that good things have resulted from your union with your husband. Let the 6 of Pentacles remind you that as you move forward, don’t allow your resentment or hurt feelings grow to so great a magnitude that in the future you can’t look back on the good times you had charitably. For it is always good for us to remember those times when we were fulfilled and joyful, so that we don’t dwell upon bad memories.
I hope that this helps you, Unsure. And I hope that you embrace your own personal strength so that you can live the life you desire.
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